Am I happy...?

Whenever I feel disturbed and feeling sad about something I used to ask myself. "am I happy?". This may sound crazy, but I then start list all the things I have to be happy about. And the number always exceeds the things that make me feel bad. It is just like this..

  I should be happy because.....

• I have no physical ailment even though everyone says I am too..lean and weak and unhealthy. In my opinion, to be healthy doesn't mean that you have to be fatty, it is just the condition with out any illness.
• I have a decent paying Job, which I am passionate about doing ever since I am a student.
• I have a good family- my parents, siblings, and my love, even though there are some problems sometimes. We patch up all the times.!! :)
• I have the world's best friends..-Lucky me :)
• I have enough freedom to do anything at my will. Thanks to my parents.

..................................................................................... there can be many more persons who don't even get any one of the blessings I have got. Its not at all my own credit. I know that. and, I am thankful to him for all that I have now. God Almighty..

     Then,the current sadness will be washed away very soon realizing I have no time to be sad..as I have a lot more to be happy.. :) :)

   Friends,   "Are you happy...?"

Sikha

A call from my friend

   It is a luck to have a good friend. And, in that case, I am a bit more lucky, as I have a good number of  'good friends'. Today, a small incident- a call  from one of  my friends, made me realize that I am lucky enough.

   Today I got a call from 'S'.  He is one of my college friends, who mean a lot to me. But, nowadays, we were not contacting regularly. But, his surprise call really made me happy. As soon as I have attended the call, he asked me " Are you okay dear? is everything going fine?".  I could feel, he is worried, and I wondered why. Then comes the thing behind that;

 I am not a regular person in face book. and I don't have a lot of friends there, only the ones who are so dear, near and important for me.. And, sometimes, when I open my  fb page, I used to share some good quotes or pictures those I came across, which may be posted by my friends or somebody else.The quotes can be inspirational , emotional or philosophical. Actually, some of the emotional wordings were so emotional and sentimental that, any body can come to a conclusion that, I am going through a bad phase of life. or I am passing through any 'break ups'- . but, you know what, nobody else noticed this and not  texted or called me to know if the things are going well or not.

  But, 'S' noticed this, and called me. He wanted to make sure that, I am doing well. I assured him that, I am doing great. Everything is going fine.. I felt so happy for his concern and care. This may be a small incident, but it filled my heart. You made my day. Even though, we were not contacting for a short while, you came when you thought I am in trouble. thank you so.. much my dear friend...
     
   I wish and pray to God that, Please make me capable of keeping all my friends with me forever....

An advice got on time & I needed most...

         I have already told about a friendship that I had lost one day. You might have read it here and here. Today, I came to remember again about her. Two months ago, she got married. Happily got married to a nice guy. I am really happy for her.

          Her marriage... that’s what I want to tell now about. After we had broken our relationship, we didn’t kept any contact to each other. Even though we had some unexpected meetings in between, they were not sufficient to hold back a broken friendship. But, when her marriage came near, she tried to contact me first. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend her calls as I was at work. And, I couldn’t call her back also. May be it’s my ego. But, I was sure that, this call was for inviting me for marriage. And how can I call her back and ask for the invitation? Let her call again. That was what I have thought that time.

          No any call came, but I got an e-mail from her would- be. That was their wedding invitation card. Oh! Why couldn’t she invite me? And he and me don’t know each other yet.

          There was not at all a thought of, me attending that wedding. When my other friends (who are also invited) called up and asked about how I am supposed to go, and how we can buy gifts (In all weddings, we share and buy a nice gift), I didn't got anything to tell them. Actually except two of them not aware of what happened between us. So, I choose to stay Hmmm...

          When Athi called me up and asked about if I am going or not, I said it. "I am not going da. She hasn’t even invited me properly. And you know all that happened..". She said “It’s okay, if you feel that’s right, then don’t go. I am planning to go by this time and this way.(she mentioned the time and the respective bus).

          Then the day came. I had tuition on the same day. And I was getting ready for going the tuition centre. My students are supposed to come after less than one hour.

          Deep inside, something was disturbing me. Yes, it’s about her. I really felt bad for not wishing her Good Luck. I just typed a greeting to her. Also mentioned that, I won’t be able to attend the wedding – some reasons. This made me feel a bit better, and continued my preparation for the class.

          Everything got changed after I have got the call from my brother Sibi. Not a blood relation, but a stronger bond that made of love. He asked me the same; “you not going?”

Me: (Silence)

He:  Hey, what you are doing? if you don’t want to, then don’t go. But, have you thought about how long you going to keep the distance? Today is her marriage, and after that, she will go her way and you on yours. What if you not attended her wedding? She also won’t attend your’s. And what you both gain from that? Ok listen, whatever have happened between you both, just forget it. Just remember that, you both had a good relation sometime before. and today is a very important day for her. If you don’t attend today, you can’t do it any other day. And every one forget all rivalries when Marriage/ death comes.

Me left blank.... I just  got what I needed most at that time..a perfect advice on correct time. I was totally confused, and now he made everything clear. Yeah, you are right. I don’t like a chance of regretting myself some day, If I didn’t go today. Yes..I have to go. And I will...

          But I had my students waiting for me. When the decision is made, the solutions were coming easily. I had gone to my class, had a one and a half hour class, and gave them a break. Then I rushed to the temple, where the marriage was supposed to be held at. I have reached there on time, had seen my friends. Also him, who made me do this, Who told me what I was supposed to do, who taught me hold back my silly fight and ego and give cheers to one of my best friendship... I could see how he happy he was. Even though he didn’t mention anything I could know that.. Thank you my dearest brother and ever loving friend.. With out you, I couldn't have done it..

          Athi was also happy for my coming. She told me that, you just leave all that bad feelings you had. Just forget about it, and from today, you may not be continuing your relation with her, but you just don’t have to keep the burden of those fights anymore. Keep yourself happy always..

          We enjoyed the wedding celebrations fully. I had greeted her Best wishes. I am sure, she too was so happy on this. My presence. She asked me, “you have messaged me, that you won’t...?”. “ Yeah, but I couldn’t”- was my reply.

          Just after the function, I left there to continue my class. I want to thank my students also. They completely agreed to adjust.

          Thus, it ended like this.. as I had said in one of my previous post, ‘that may be because of the warmth of a good relation which we had once....’

My wish came true..

          I just had finished it!!. In one sitting, I have read “The Secret Wishlist” , by Preeti Shenoy, one of my favourite author. I should say, she is again surprised me with her excellent story telling. I want to congratulate her with all my heart. This book made me think about my own ‘secret Wishlist’ too..:)

          This post came as a result of Preeti Shenoy’s new creative prompt. ‘Wishlist Wednesdays’. It's a kind of contest as every week her publisher Westland will pick one entry and will send the winner copy of ‘The Secret Wishlist’.

          This week’s prompt: "My onewish that came true and gave me immense joy!"

          ...................................................................................................................

          Some months before, I was so depressed on something. Something was disturbing me terribly. I was feeling so sad.. and I have made a wish and prayers to God, that make everything fine. Just give me my brother back. There was a unseen wall forming between us. And when I started realizing ,that hurt me like hell. I had made a post- a letter to my brother on ‘Rakhiday’.

          And I am happy to say, my wish come true..!!

          .................................................................................................................

          After Rakhi day, I have been trying to get back the attachment, which was there in between us. And the ice wall started to melt.

          Then came his Birthday. On the day before that, I got to know that my two sisters had made some gifts prepared for him. They have bought something in advance, and I couldn’t.:( due to some reasons. I become upset.

          It was during our routine chat, I shared my feelings with my Love. I said, I couldn’t buy any gift for my brother. Then what he said really made me feel good. He said. “ Hey don’t worry, do one thing, when he cut the cake, and everyone give him their gifts, you just hug him and kiss him .wish him a very very happy birthday. I am sure, that will make him more happy”.You know what, I was relived really. I felt happy for having him as my soulmate.

Then the day came. He cut the cake, we made wishes, he filled everyone’s mouth with the Birth day cake. Sisters gave him gifts. I stood still. My heart was wishing to do what my love said. But, simply I couldn’t even though I have done it several times in my mind. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the presence of others or the thought about his response hold me back.

          That day I said my love that, I couldn’t do it. I really want to hug my brother, I wanted to kiss him. But, I couldn’t.

          Next day, after my work I went to the town with my friend. I want to buy something for him. Then, I have purchased some clothings : 2 teashirts, three-fourths, and a shirt. I was hoping , he will like my choices. In child hood days he always did.

          When I came home, it was getting darker, and my sisters were resting in their rooms. My parents were not reached then. There was no power supply also. So it was complete silence there. My brother was out of home.    

          I was thinking about giving the gifts to him, and about what his response will be. Then the door bell rang. It was him. I opened the door, and rushed to my room and called him from there, ‘ Da, can u just come here...?’

Without any hesitation, he came, and asked ‘what’s the matter?’. I just gave him the packets. I watched him checking all those. I can see he is happy. He said ‘Thanks’. And said ‘ no need to thank me’.

        Bro: Hmm....why?

          Me: you don’t have to, my dear..

          Bro: Hmm...okay..

          Me: you like it?

          Bro : Yeah..

          Me : Then..give me a kiss..

          Bro: ........??

Me pointed my cheek. Without any hesitation, he came near and planted a Kiss on my cheek. J J. Then I kissed him back too. I felt something got stuck in my throat. I felt my eyes going to be wet. And We both realized how much we missed each other...

         I was so happy when I detailed everything to my love. He was so happy too...

          ...............................................................................................................

          Now, I am happy. I know it is not the gift.. it was just a reason to make everything fine. Thanking God for everything. I pray to God that, please don’t make us fight ever. We can’t take this anymore.  

.............................................................................................................................

        
  Sikha

An unexpected meeting

          Meetings.. Some can be preplanned, and  some can be accidental or unexpected. In the latter case , a meeting can be  a pleasant one, something that can makes us happy or an unpleasant one, that may make us feel bad or disturbed. Some days before I had a meeting like that. An unexpected one. But the thing is that, I can’t say whether it was a pleasant or unpleasant one. Yeah, there are some situations like this....

          I had met one of my friend on that day. Actually, she was my best friend some years ago. I have already told you about our relation. We were like having two bodies physically and a single soul. We were that much close to each other. We loved each other so..  much. But, one day that happened. There had a break-up. And we stopped talking, and contacting each other. That was an agreement that, we  both don’t have to message or make a call. Because, we know, the broken relations can’t be patched up completely. And we don’t need our relation incomplete..without the essence which it had in those days. That is why I have described it as ‘a wound not healed yet’..

          So, I am coming back to that day, when we met last. I was just crossing the road to wait for my college bus with my sister. It’s my sister who pointed out my friend, and said ‘ Look, that chechi is standing there’. When I saw her, what I felt was.. no..I don’t think, I can explain it..But, until that day, all I feared was this .. like, ‘if I came to see her  face to face, what will I do?, and how will I mangae that..?”. and, that already happened...

          When I reached the bus stop, I couldn’t resist myself looking her. Yes, she was also looking towards me. It was she who spoke first .“when will your bus come?” , and I answered her. How simple!!. And like this, we started our conversation, and said good bye, when I was about to leave. During the travel also, I found myself thinking about her; our sudden meeting; how we managed to talk to each other; and I also thought about the days we were together, for everything, with hand in hand; and all the wonderful things we used to share and talked about...

          When I returned back my home at evening, I thought about her again. How we managed to talk. Actually, I was wondering, why I was not at all disturbed; and how I could behave as normal?; and how I could forget that quarrel we had made? The words  which can’t be taken back that we both had spelled out??.. I couldn’t understand.. I think, it’s because of the love and affection we had once, we couldn’t behave as strangers. It’s sure that, our relation can’t have a go back ; but, I am sure, still we both have some place for each other in our hearts. May be it’s true that, we can never hate a person completely whom we loved a lot once upon a time.. And I can feel my heart becoming some more relaxed. A feeling of lightness...

A rare visit to hospital

   I was waiting outside the doctor’s room. A homeopathic clinic ,very near to my home. There were some other people wating, to see the doctor for their kids. You hear that?! For their kids, those may have a small fever,cold or something like that. And there I am, a 23 year old, just came for myself. Reason: a headache...

            Actually, I am not at all a homeopathic person, but he is. And, its because of him, I try it sometimes. I was feeling a little bit drowsy, as I came just after my afternoon nap which took longer than usual, and I had to hurried to the clinic. Then there is a long queue..(They are not lined up in a queue, everybody sitting here and there in chairs and in the cement benches on the verandha. There is a silent decision and agreement of ‘who goes next?’. The one came first, go first. No problems, no haste, everything was calm and normal.

            Me having a headache for a week. Not feeling all the day, but when it comes, my head felt so heavy for me. And, for a few moments, all the thing  I can see is darkness..complete darkness. I just neglected it for some weeks, and hided it from him. But, when he got to know this, insisted constantaly, to consult a doctor. He didn’t said, homeopathy. He need me to have a scanning or something  like that. (I think it made him scared a little). But, you know what...? Me don’t like to go any hospitals. The hospital atmosphere, the medicines, the needles, the smell of dettol , everything make me feel drowsy. I usually got a headache, when I  come back from hospital, even it is just for visiting a friend or relative admitted there. So, I kept on escaping from him, on the thought of having consult a doctor. I strongly believe, my headache is just because of my over work and stress, personal and official.. Or it may be because of my low B.P. So, it is not necessary to go to hospital.

            But, atlast I had to do this. Now, me in a clinic..(Thank God, I don’t have to go for a scanning or injection here. Thanks for ‘Haniman’ – the father of homeopathy). Something forced me to do so. Guess who??...You are right. Its him. Two of my college friends, (they were my roommates too..) called me to say that, they were planning to have an outing the next day for we three. Me, Anita and Salini. They have booked tickets for a new released movie, then a book fair, a grand lunch and some shopping.. I got thrilled to here this. It was a long time, when such an outing happened. We couldn’t meet a long time like this. I started preparations for the program, after getting permissions from him.( Ya, I ask him permission for everything! Good girl na?!!) .But, the things got a change last evening .

            It was when I had the headache again. This time a strong one..(Oh! What a timing afterall!!).

Then he told me, I have to consult a doctor, and only after that, he can let me go for my outing with friends. And, that too if the doctor say that, I am perfectly okay. So,..Thats why I was in a group of little patients and their parents then..

            But, I had a good evening there. watching them all, speaking to those kids, carrying a 8 month old baby, meeting some persons I  know..I need to explain in detail. Only this for now...