An advice got on time & I needed most...

         I have already told about a friendship that I had lost one day. You might have read it here and here. Today, I came to remember again about her. Two months ago, she got married. Happily got married to a nice guy. I am really happy for her.

          Her marriage... that’s what I want to tell now about. After we had broken our relationship, we didn’t kept any contact to each other. Even though we had some unexpected meetings in between, they were not sufficient to hold back a broken friendship. But, when her marriage came near, she tried to contact me first. Unfortunately, I couldn’t attend her calls as I was at work. And, I couldn’t call her back also. May be it’s my ego. But, I was sure that, this call was for inviting me for marriage. And how can I call her back and ask for the invitation? Let her call again. That was what I have thought that time.

          No any call came, but I got an e-mail from her would- be. That was their wedding invitation card. Oh! Why couldn’t she invite me? And he and me don’t know each other yet.

          There was not at all a thought of, me attending that wedding. When my other friends (who are also invited) called up and asked about how I am supposed to go, and how we can buy gifts (In all weddings, we share and buy a nice gift), I didn't got anything to tell them. Actually except two of them not aware of what happened between us. So, I choose to stay Hmmm...

          When Athi called me up and asked about if I am going or not, I said it. "I am not going da. She hasn’t even invited me properly. And you know all that happened..". She said “It’s okay, if you feel that’s right, then don’t go. I am planning to go by this time and this way.(she mentioned the time and the respective bus).

          Then the day came. I had tuition on the same day. And I was getting ready for going the tuition centre. My students are supposed to come after less than one hour.

          Deep inside, something was disturbing me. Yes, it’s about her. I really felt bad for not wishing her Good Luck. I just typed a greeting to her. Also mentioned that, I won’t be able to attend the wedding – some reasons. This made me feel a bit better, and continued my preparation for the class.

          Everything got changed after I have got the call from my brother Sibi. Not a blood relation, but a stronger bond that made of love. He asked me the same; “you not going?”

Me: (Silence)

He:  Hey, what you are doing? if you don’t want to, then don’t go. But, have you thought about how long you going to keep the distance? Today is her marriage, and after that, she will go her way and you on yours. What if you not attended her wedding? She also won’t attend your’s. And what you both gain from that? Ok listen, whatever have happened between you both, just forget it. Just remember that, you both had a good relation sometime before. and today is a very important day for her. If you don’t attend today, you can’t do it any other day. And every one forget all rivalries when Marriage/ death comes.

Me left blank.... I just  got what I needed most at that time..a perfect advice on correct time. I was totally confused, and now he made everything clear. Yeah, you are right. I don’t like a chance of regretting myself some day, If I didn’t go today. Yes..I have to go. And I will...

          But I had my students waiting for me. When the decision is made, the solutions were coming easily. I had gone to my class, had a one and a half hour class, and gave them a break. Then I rushed to the temple, where the marriage was supposed to be held at. I have reached there on time, had seen my friends. Also him, who made me do this, Who told me what I was supposed to do, who taught me hold back my silly fight and ego and give cheers to one of my best friendship... I could see how he happy he was. Even though he didn’t mention anything I could know that.. Thank you my dearest brother and ever loving friend.. With out you, I couldn't have done it..

          Athi was also happy for my coming. She told me that, you just leave all that bad feelings you had. Just forget about it, and from today, you may not be continuing your relation with her, but you just don’t have to keep the burden of those fights anymore. Keep yourself happy always..

          We enjoyed the wedding celebrations fully. I had greeted her Best wishes. I am sure, she too was so happy on this. My presence. She asked me, “you have messaged me, that you won’t...?”. “ Yeah, but I couldn’t”- was my reply.

          Just after the function, I left there to continue my class. I want to thank my students also. They completely agreed to adjust.

          Thus, it ended like this.. as I had said in one of my previous post, ‘that may be because of the warmth of a good relation which we had once....’

Reading List

   Reading is my favourite hobby. It is nothing less than my passion... As the 2012 is ending, I just want to recollect all the books I came to read this year. Some are re-reads and some new-reads. I had made a collage of some of the books I have read yet.

          I couldn’t add some of these...(don’t know, some problem with editing).

I used to share my books with my friends and colleagues. Most of my books are thus distributed. I also collect books from my friends too. Here is some of them left in the ‘have read’ list. Rest are not with me now L.

          I have left with a small pile of books ‘to be read’. Here is a snap..

Oh! Such a long way to go..!!

  Hoping to finish more in next year.. JJ

"Happy Christmas"

Sikha

My wish came true..

          I just had finished it!!. In one sitting, I have read “The Secret Wishlist” , by Preeti Shenoy, one of my favourite author. I should say, she is again surprised me with her excellent story telling. I want to congratulate her with all my heart. This book made me think about my own ‘secret Wishlist’ too..:)

          This post came as a result of Preeti Shenoy’s new creative prompt. ‘Wishlist Wednesdays’. It's a kind of contest as every week her publisher Westland will pick one entry and will send the winner copy of ‘The Secret Wishlist’.

          This week’s prompt: "My onewish that came true and gave me immense joy!"

          ...................................................................................................................

          Some months before, I was so depressed on something. Something was disturbing me terribly. I was feeling so sad.. and I have made a wish and prayers to God, that make everything fine. Just give me my brother back. There was a unseen wall forming between us. And when I started realizing ,that hurt me like hell. I had made a post- a letter to my brother on ‘Rakhiday’.

          And I am happy to say, my wish come true..!!

          .................................................................................................................

          After Rakhi day, I have been trying to get back the attachment, which was there in between us. And the ice wall started to melt.

          Then came his Birthday. On the day before that, I got to know that my two sisters had made some gifts prepared for him. They have bought something in advance, and I couldn’t.:( due to some reasons. I become upset.

          It was during our routine chat, I shared my feelings with my Love. I said, I couldn’t buy any gift for my brother. Then what he said really made me feel good. He said. “ Hey don’t worry, do one thing, when he cut the cake, and everyone give him their gifts, you just hug him and kiss him .wish him a very very happy birthday. I am sure, that will make him more happy”.You know what, I was relived really. I felt happy for having him as my soulmate.

Then the day came. He cut the cake, we made wishes, he filled everyone’s mouth with the Birth day cake. Sisters gave him gifts. I stood still. My heart was wishing to do what my love said. But, simply I couldn’t even though I have done it several times in my mind. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the presence of others or the thought about his response hold me back.

          That day I said my love that, I couldn’t do it. I really want to hug my brother, I wanted to kiss him. But, I couldn’t.

          Next day, after my work I went to the town with my friend. I want to buy something for him. Then, I have purchased some clothings : 2 teashirts, three-fourths, and a shirt. I was hoping , he will like my choices. In child hood days he always did.

          When I came home, it was getting darker, and my sisters were resting in their rooms. My parents were not reached then. There was no power supply also. So it was complete silence there. My brother was out of home.    

          I was thinking about giving the gifts to him, and about what his response will be. Then the door bell rang. It was him. I opened the door, and rushed to my room and called him from there, ‘ Da, can u just come here...?’

Without any hesitation, he came, and asked ‘what’s the matter?’. I just gave him the packets. I watched him checking all those. I can see he is happy. He said ‘Thanks’. And said ‘ no need to thank me’.

        Bro: Hmm....why?

          Me: you don’t have to, my dear..

          Bro: Hmm...okay..

          Me: you like it?

          Bro : Yeah..

          Me : Then..give me a kiss..

          Bro: ........??

Me pointed my cheek. Without any hesitation, he came near and planted a Kiss on my cheek. J J. Then I kissed him back too. I felt something got stuck in my throat. I felt my eyes going to be wet. And We both realized how much we missed each other...

         I was so happy when I detailed everything to my love. He was so happy too...

          ...............................................................................................................

          Now, I am happy. I know it is not the gift.. it was just a reason to make everything fine. Thanking God for everything. I pray to God that, please don’t make us fight ever. We can’t take this anymore.  

.............................................................................................................................

        
  Sikha

My Secret wish list

            Another creative prompt from my favourite author Preeti Shenoy! – “Wishlist Wednesdays”. Her latest book “ The Secret Wish list” is about to release today. I have already preordered one copy (Author signed copy! Vow!! J).  And, she want each of us to tell our secret wish list also. All know, the list may be indefinite, but she is asking us any 3 of our wishes. And I have started prioritorising my loooooooonnng list.

            I am so attached with my family (everyone does na..?)- my parents, my younger sisters and the youngest one, my brother. I was always happy with my family, it was my world.. But, now, the things are changed a little. Everyone have  grown up, and don’t know why, but I feel some thing is lacking. Is it because I am not a child anymore? I know, I can’t go back to my childhood again. But, I really wish everything will be the same as before. My marriage is nearby, and you know how it feels to part with your family.

         

There is one other person also whom I love the most, admire the most, and make quarrels the most. He was not a part of my family, but now for some years, he too.. a very important person in my life. The person whom I am going to marry. I hope, next year, at this time, we both will be together. I wish, I can give a good life to that wonderful person. Want to love him as much as I can, give him a lot of happiness, and be with him till my last breath.

   Thinking it as a little filmy? But, you know, romance is always like that...

          

  In my school days and college days, I was said to be a studious girl. I never spent too much time for study, but always got some good marks. Thank God!. I was the topper in my study days.. at that time, I was so ambitious about my career. But, I feel, I have nothing done purposefully, to reach where I am now. Its only God’s grace. He had made me gone through the right path always, and I didn’t had to make a decision every time. Bu sometimes, there was difficulties, which made me stronger. The final result was always the best. I wish,I can study more. Now, I want to pursue Ph.D. May be it seems like a greed rather than a wish, I wish very desperately for it. Don’t know, what is left for me. Not sure, if I can do that, when the life’s responsibilities increase. But, anyway I want to dream.... I trust my Lord. He will do the best for me...

            I want to thank Preeti Shenoy for such a chance to tell my wishes. Congratulations and best wishes for her 4^th book and the long list of all the books, that will come in future...

Sikha.

Seeking our own help

            We all have good and bad times. Is n’t it? Most of the people think that, they can lean on someone [may be it is family, friends or any one close] to get over their bad times. And are they satisfied? Do they always get the relief they needed? I think NO. If anyone thinks that, they can depend on some other person for their problems, and got it solved completely, and then I should say ‘there is a terrible mistake my dear friends’. It’s true that, somebody can give advice or suggest any solution. But, that alone cannot solve any issue most of the time.. The person who can help us ultimately is our own self. Nobody else better know us. Nobody else know what we need really. To know what we really need, we should listen to our heart. And if we depend on others for every solutions, we are not completely hearing what our heart says, Instead we are allowing others to decide what we need. Obviously, that cannot make our cup full. Sometimes, the person we are expecting to help us may not be ready at the time needed. Then things may look like more complicated, and we may get more and more depressed. So, we can depend on our all-time friend. None other than our own self.

            Listen to our heart, believe in ourselves, then nothing will be left without a solution...

Outside my house

Monday images #2

Here is some snapshots by me. Just outside my house. Hope you like it..

  Todays theme- Blossom

pleasant welcome

 lovely couple

single but strong

Happily together

Smiling beauties..

A big family

Sikha

Finishing point

Blogathon- Count down # 1

   September has come to its end, and my 'Blogathon'. so, this is the last post in the Blog- marathon..

It was not an easy task for me to be up-to-date with my mission. I missed the flow, near the finishing end. It was really a very 'busy september'..

  Thank you all my friends, for all your love and support, during the Blogathon  Those who found time for reading my post and make some comments are really honoured.  Thanks a Ton!!. Privy, who wrote a guest post[ calculating life] for me can never be forgotten.

  So, I hope, I can do better next time..

Cheers!!!!



Sikha



   

'Abnormal' or 'Ab - normal'..?

Blogathon- Count down # 2

            Me go to college by our college bus. It is just  30 minutes travel  from my home. When I get in the bus, and settled near a window, I will be having the outside view, if nobody is near me to start any talk. Sometimes, I will lose myself in some thoughts. Yeah, I am such a crazy thinker..

            Some weeks ago, I came to see something different during my travel. I have seen a big house, named ‘ Ramanattumalika” on the road side itself. The thing, that caught my eye was the board which was kept near the gate. Something was written on that. But, I was not able to read it from a running bus. But, one day I really made it!! And you know, what was written on that?

            That read like this- “ Anybody who enter this house should switch off your body parts above  your neck by themselves”..I was just surprised. My mouth wide open.. and so as my colleague’s. What the..?[ imitating ASR in IPPKND in starplus].

            I am sure, you all may are wondering reading this. Me then enquired my bus mates about this. Most of them were already aware of that. And  here is the summary of what they told me- There lives a man alone by himself. He is not mentally normal. Sometimes he appears in-front of the house in a long kurta- pyjama and wearing big sunglasses. He is very tall,..abnormally tall. Sometimes he is found sitting near the gate. His wife is a doctor, and his children are also in good positions. But, they are not with him. He is alone in that big house. Everybody were saying about him just like a joke. But, I felt so.. bad. I have told them, ‘Oh, what a poor condition. We never have to laugh at such an unlucky person”. But, my own mind got changed when I heard about his flashback.

            That goes like this- He is a criminal, who just got out from the jail less than one year ago. He was accused and  punished on the murder of his own brother, for the huge money and property to which they were the share holders. And his brother who got murdered was a murderer by himself!! He killed his own father. That too for money. Oh! What a family!! May due to his abnormality in mental condition, he have got the concession on humanitarian ground and that may have helped him to get released from the jail.

            I got really shocked. I never thought such kind of people are there near my place. All the pity I had just before hearing his past, had gone by then. I don’t know, whether he deserves it.

            On another day, we have seen him infront of his house, with pure white kurta-pyjama and black colored glasses. But, there was something else that made every one laugh. In the court yard there were a large number of long pyjamas hanging!!! Surrounding his house, there were a lot of pyjamas in different colours. Most of them were in white. One of my colleague exclaimed “ Oh, this guy has got this much clothes?!!!!. Everybody laughed at this, and within no time, we all reached college. Everybody started their works. Me was thinking..”I he really mad? I mean, is hi abnormality is real? Does he deserve pity?”. I don’ know.. better, I leave that topic, and stop thinking about that...

      Is he 'abnormal' or 'Ab-normal'. [ In Hindi, 'ab' means 'now']

            Sikha

Today's thought # 2

Blogathon- Count down # 3



" A person who irritates you always is , the one who loves you very much but fails to express it...."



  What do you think my friends...?


Sikha

Feeling satisfied..

Blogathon- Count down # 4

            The symposium at college has come to an end today. Everything was fine, and well organized. The college authorities congratulated all the co-ordinators in making this a grant success. Ours is a new budding college, and this was our first symposium. Even, this was our first attempt, we could make it work!! And that too , within a limited time of 10 days. Cheers to all!!!

           

            

  Sikha

An experience that made me more strong..

Blogathon- count down # 5 

            There are some times, when we find ourselves so..helpless about the things happening around us..There are days full of unpleasant things, and nothing to make us happy. At these times, life become difficult day by day. We will start losing our own strength and confidence, as nothing to hope good.  We all may have experienced this, at least once in our lifetime. Me also had this more than once..

            I was thinking about my PG project days.. It was the most stressful days I had yet. Mine was a very big and important project, and I was doing it alone. When I reached the Research & Development center  I was hoping to be got involved in any current project team. But, there was nobody to help me. They didn't acknowledged at least our presence [ me and my friend and classmate ‘J’; she was doing her project in an area different from mine], for the beginning months. Even our project Guide was not that much serious about us. But, we have made him to have mind us and appreciate us for our works. We both had to work a lot to achieve that.

            The big headache was not about the project work or topic. We were confident about our work, but there were some kind of people, who like to harass others. May be because of their ego and complex mind, they find happiness in making others to suffer and hurt. Whenever their superiors scold them, they come out from their frustration by throwing it on others. And we project students are the ‘things’ to trash out their frustrations. And, you know , me and she happened to be the ‘victims’ of that year. J

            There was a person, who comes in this category. He made us suffer a lot.. he used to laugh at us before everyone, always trying to be smart by ditching others. We were mentally tortured so..much. And about my condition- I was becoming more and more depressed day by day. I used to come to and leave from R&D on correct time, every day except Sunday. But, the thing is that, no any progress was there in my project. I have started hating to be there. Became more and more silent at home also. I felt myself detaching from my family also. I was feeling so bad ...and wishing to end this as soon as possible. Sometimes I have become so down , and even cursed my idea to do my Masters.

            On one day during that time, my project Guide called me in his cabin to inquire about my project progress. Actually he called me, knowing that things are not going well [about the project], and wanted to make me know, that he is aware of that. But, when he was about to scold me, I have lost my control and within no time, I was in tears. He got shocked on my behavior  and tried to calm me down, and started asking me the things very slowly. I was bursting out in tears and all my tensions, frustrations and everything was just flooding out, and what can I say.. I was feeling good, feeling my heart lightened to a great extent. To all my surprise, he, The project manager of this famous and reputed firm, was giving all his ears to me so..patiently. I never thought that, he is that much approachable and kind to such a ‘childish’ me. He asked more details about my family also. He made me understand, why such people behave like that, and how to deal with them. After this meeting, I felt so relieved and happy. And before leaving, I promised him that, I will try my best to give a good result to him.

            And from the very next day, I have flushed out the thoughts about all the bad experiences I had because of that person. And started avoiding him in every point. And you know, what happened finally? My project was a success, more than that expected from them. Then they appreciated and acknowledged everything I have done on the project. No words to explain my happiness..

            During those days, I mean after the new beginning, I used to write diary daily. I used to list 5 good things happened each day. And you know, it was a great success. Even in a very dull day, I could find out five good things. Also, I have started reading so many good blogs, which made me mentally peaceful and happy. And I have started facing life more positively, and that reflected in my work also..

            That was a very stressful period in my life. But, that really helped me to understand different kinds of people, and taught me how to face to such problems. The saying is so right- ‘Everything happens for a reason’...

Instant drawings # 2

Blogathon - Count down # 6

Faces...

Sikha

Today's thought

Blogathon- Count down # 7




" Anger is one letter short of ' Danger'  .."



Sikha

A serious problem..

 Blogathon- Count down # 8

I am facing a problem now. Everyone – my family, friends, colleagues etc.. all say the same thing. Even strangers also ask when they also got a chance to speak. All complains me about one thing. They also suggest me the remedy. But, all in vein....

            They all say in a single tone  “You are so..thin”..

            What can I do? I have tried a lot to change this image, but couldn’t. In school days and at the beginning of my graduation, things were okay then. But, as I have completed 4 yr’s graduation, I have lost 4 Kilos. Then during the working period, me got thinner again. And after post graduation, I have changed too much to be recognized by old friends and ‘ not- daily- meet’ relatives. Some people say, it’s because of the study (Hey, they think me as a very studious girl, and me NOT..never JJ), family says it’s due to my ‘worry- for-nothing’ character. Friends says, me have to love my food. Colleagues say, I have to compromise sometimes about the perfection in profession.

            

            I don’t know what’s the problem really is.. still trying my best to get a progress...

Sikha

Busy september

Blogathon- Count down # 9

  

  Privy, one of my dearest friend has a diary in which she used to name each month on account of what she looking forward in to that month. It's really a nice thought. You can read about it here. 

   

   If I have to name this month on account of my experiences, I will definitely call it as ' Busy September'. This is because I am soo.. busy nowadays. Especially this September. And you know what, me doing the Blogathon on the same month. I think, I can just list the things that make me this much occupied. So, they are;

1.     Semester end 'marathon'  :- Yes, I am doing another marathon at college.  One semester is said to be having 6 months duration. But only for a saying. Now, it's only nearly 3 months from the opening day. University exams are declared to be on 1st week of November. So, from the mid-October should be given for study leave. Now, you may have understood my problem. The portions are not completed yet. So, we all faculties are just trying to run fast. But, we can't just throw the lessons with out quality. that's the real issue. The students also become tired (only if they also try to study). JJ

2.     Symposium @ college:- Our college is conducting a technical symposium on 26th and 27th September. Electrical department( my department) is conducting this with Electronics Dept. and Instrumentation Dept. Me too have got duties in some of the events on those days. I got selected as the chief co-ordinator for the event ‘paper presentation’. Very little time left now, and a lot of things to do. I have almost completed the preparations, but a bit tensed about the day. [ Another reason for tension: Mixed college students are also invited to take part. Note, our’s is a girls only college. So you know the risk factor JJ].

3.     Two PSC tests (Kerala PSC) are coming on the next month. I haven’t started the preparations yet. But, still busy with the planning section [ finding the syllabus, get the topics , get the hall ticket, and How to prepare etc].

4.     I have got happy news to tell you my dear friends. My project paper got selected for a National Conference to be conducted from 3^rd to 5^th October. I have to prepare for this presentation, and ‘Oh my God! time is running..!!

5.     I have got an online job also. As subject Matter Expert in Cramster. My job is to give solutions for the questions in some text books given. I have finished the training course some days before. They have sent me the certificate, and I have been given my first assignment. I have to solve 55 questions in September and October. It’s going to be a little bit tough task.

6.     I have to go to my previous college to collect my scholarship and other certificates left.

7.     I have to go to bank, and have some deal with them.

8.     There are 4 unavoidable marriage functions coming the next week.

9.     I have to keep my ‘Blogathon’ running. I have to find one post each day [ not so easy for every day]

10.  Household chores, and other stuffs I need to do, my books left to read, my family time etc...

I think, it is a long list already. [ me too shocked!!]. I need to wind up now. Things are in the queue alreadyJ

 Bye for now...

Sikha

colorfully complicated

Blogathon- Count down # 10

(a)colorfully complicated

(b) Simply colored

(c) Hut

Sikha

3+1 = 4 Idiots

Blogathon- Count down # 11



  This is something I have written some months ago. Today, me not feeling well and can't break my blogathon..

8-05-2012

   The day after tomorrow, is my project evaluation day..But, till now, I haven’t started the preparations. Actually, I was disturbed, for some unknown reasons..This happens, sometimes..i mean, we worry for nothing..And here I don’t have the mood for studying.

          Normally when I feel a low, I used to read something(Most probably my favourites),and sometimes I used to hear music, or I will call any of my dearest ones…And, there is one more way ..that I am going to tell,..the same I applied today…

          3- idiots is one of my favourite films. It is really. superb na..? but here I am giving a different tag to it..For me, it is a stress reducer….Especially, when there is a lot of stuffs to do and study, and I am not in a mood to do that..

          Today also, I watched it just before sometime, and you know what..?I feel good now,and what is next??  Hey, starting the preparations..

  Do you feel me as an ‘idiot’?? Then, thank you for your compliment..you are free to say that, 3+1=4 Idiots. JJJ

Instant drawings # 1

Blogathon- Count down #12

  (i)  This is an outline of a Keralite Hindu bride.

 (ii) Clouds and sun in a different look! Sun..The king of stars.With a crown!!

(iii)A colorful canvas.




Smiley created by me..









Smiley turned out to......

  (iv)Remembering the stressful project days...





Sikha

My Diary-Almost forgotten

           Blogathon- Count Down # 13

     I have started writing diary from my school days, and it has become a routine from 2003. My Diary- my best friend was with me in all my happiness, my sorrows, my excitements, my ambitions, my foolish thoughts, my unnecessary worries... and in everything related to me. It was to her, I can open up myself completely. Even though I have many friends, I couldn’t feel free to talk everything about me. She was my close friend, my valuable possession. She always kept everything secret, unless I want to reveal. She had enjoyed my small- small victories with me. When I was feeling low, she was there to hold my hands. When I was complaining about anything, she used to hear everything silently. If I were crying, she also cries with me, making me laugh myself.[ sounds crazy?].

            When I found my love, her responsibilities also got increased. Every emotion of mine got doubled. Let it be happiness, craziness, sorrows (whenever we had a fight or something) anything.. But, she was okay with all that. She accepted all that changes with all her heart. And keep on being with me giving extra support. With passing of each year, I used to give her a new look also. From the last year when my project started, I became more lazy about sharing my thoughts and feelings with her. I made the excuse that, ‘I am so busy’ and stressed with my works, and only shared the plans of next day. Only the ‘To do’ lists. I think, she may have felt so bad about this. And you know what, I am such a selfish that, I used to reach her, when I feel a bit down, and nobody else to share. This year too, she is being avoided by me. I regret.. Nowadays, I don’t even see her regularly. I have started pouring some of my feelings to my blog. And she became more and more neglected.

            I really feel sorry for her. Last night, I have opened my ‘treasure box’[will detail it later], and taken all my diaries out. They reflect ‘me’.. my growth..mental and spiritual growth. I really want to go through all those in one sitting. But, it was not an easy task really. I have gone through the oldest one, and wondered how much I got changed now from then..! That brought me back some old memories [sweet and sour, good and bad]. I really got changed a lot. I was feeling a bit sleepy and stopped at finishing the first one.

            On bed, I was thinking about the changes I had. I have found that all the changes are not fair. I mean, there are good changes as well as bad changes. I need to rectify it. I need to get back myself.

            I have again started to talk to her. J. Me happy.. J so as she JJ